What is the best and perfect environment to raise our children?! A solid school? Good friends? A safe community? After all, we want to provide the best conditions for our children to blossom.
What happens when the conditions we hoped for, never materialized? I feel that the teacher is terrible or they ended up with the wrong group of friends, have we compromised our chances of raising the child we hoped we would?
Quite the opposite.
Jacob, in this week's Torah portion, shows us how to successfully raise a family of children who live up their parents' ideals. He does not have the luxury to rely on the perfect environment. As a matter of fact, his parents (Isaac and Rebecca) and his grandparents (Abraham and Sarah) raised a family in a much more idyllic setting, in the Holy Land, with only a 50% success rate, while Jacob, living among a corrupt people and family, raised 13 children all living up to their parents values.
What was his secret?
Jacob in Hebrew is Yaakov. It shares the same root as Ikvi, which means consistency. Jacob, living under very challenging circumstances, both for himself and his family was able to role-model consistent values in a way that made a much deeper impression on his children than he would under optimal circumstances. And that helped lead to his educational success.
So, while we may be tempted to point fingers at all the negative circumstances beyond our control, Jacob invites us to realize the unique opportunity negative circumstances afford us. If my boss didn't give me the well-deserved pay raise, and I still show my children that I won't cut back on my charity because Tzedakah is an absolute value… or despite being tired and overworked by the time Shabbat comes around, I still show I'm committed to going to Shul, I've imparted the value in a way I could not have without the challenge.
If we can show commitment to our values, not as a result of perfect conditions, but regardless of conditions, we can be sure it will last a lifetime... and their lifetime too!